Your First Sex Toy
I remember the first time I stepped into an adult toy store. I was surrounded by vibrators, dildos, fake vaginas, and more varieties of lubricant than I knew what to do with. I felt overwhelmed by the selection and intimidated by my lack of experience with the tools. I thought I was doing well to masturbate on a regular basis, something that most women did not do – or at least did not admit to. I understood, as I stood surrounded all these devices, some of them strange enough that I had no idea how they would be used, that I had only scratched the surface of sexual pleasure.
I was a complete newbie.
Putting aside my flair for the dramatic, there is a lot to intimidate a person about walking into an adult store. While I could go on about how societal norms affect our sexual expression and repression, part of the intimidation we feel is simply a lack of knowledge. When I walked into that store, the clerk left me to my own devices. I was ill prepared for my trip, having done no research. I had no idea what I wanted to get, or what kind of toy I might enjoy.
Many of today’s adult stores include staff that is knowledgeable and happy to take time to help you choose a toy, providing you education about how to use it safely as you shop. That helps to ease some of the nervousness about a first time visit. The other remedy to nerves is this – educate yourself beforehand. We are going to look at a few of the most common first time sex toys and things to consider before you step out to buy one.
While you can find any number of sex toys to please you, online or in a brick-and-mortar store in your town, I want to look at three of the most commonly purchased first-time toys: the vibrator, the dildo, and the bullet.
Chances are we have been introduced to the vibrator long before ever trying to use one. At some point, you peeked through your mother’s dresser or looked under the panel of her jewellery box, the one she never lifts up. When I discovered it by accident, it was “just a massager.” I had my doubts, but was too embarrassed to challenge the cover-up.
Once upon a time, your choice of vibrator was contained to a simple device, narrow and a little longer than your hand. It could be used to stimulate the outside of your body or inserted, as it pleased you. Today, vibrators may be straight and narrow, like the 7 Function Classic Chic Vibrator, or tapered and curved, like the Dazzle GSpot Vibrator. If you like the idea of stimulation, but are not sure about having something inside you as a first time toy, The Finger Vibe gives you pleasure at your fingertips, providing you textured clitoral stimulation.
The dildo is another classic sex toy. It can have a vibrator or not, depending on what you are looking for in an insertion toy. What makes a sex toy a dildo, powered or not, is the shape. Your typical dildo is shaped like a penis, more or less. Some stay very true to phallic design, like the Big Ben Penis. Others play with shape and texture, like the 3 Bangs for Your Butt Junior, featuring only the head of the penis for its texture, repeated three times down the shaft. The 3 Bangs is designed for anal play, though most dildos are designed primarily for vaginal use.
One variation on the dildo is the rabbit vibrator. Like all dildos, the shape of the shaft mimics the penis to some degree. A few varieties forego the dildo design in favour of a G-spot vibrator shaft. What all rabbit vibrators have in common is an attachment that curves out from the base of the shaft, designed to stimulate your clitoris. The Black Pearl is an example of a typical rabbit. The shaft features rotating beads to provide stimulation inside while the rabbit appendage vibrates over the clitoris.
The Bullet is a vibrator, but it deserves its own classification from others. The bullet is a small vibrator, designed for either clitoral or vaginal stimulation. Many bullets, like the Aqua Silks Waterproof Bullet, feature a cord attached to a controller, allowing you to set the vibration speed and frequency. Others feature a textured sleeve for clitoral stimulation, like the Climax Silicone Vibrating Bullet. The bullet vibrator is one of the most common first time sex toys because of its discreet design and versatile use.
Choosing a Sex Toy
Knowing what is out there when it comes to sex toys is only the first step in preparing yourself for your first trip to the store. You also need to know what you want from your sex toy, otherwise you will find yourself staring at the wall of merchandise, knowing what everything is, but having no idea where to begin.
How Do You Want to Be Stimulated?
Before you look at buying a sex toy, ask yourself what you want from it. Every woman seeks something different from her toys, and the best vibrator, bullet, or dildo will be the one that satisfies your needs. Are you looking for something to provide you clitoral stimulation, or do you want vaginal penetration? Do you only want to use your toy for masturbation, or would you like to use it during foreplay or intercourse with your partner?
When looking for a sex toy for masturbation, consider how you masturbate. What do you enjoy doing to yourself without a toy? If you enjoy clitoral stimulation when you masturbate, then a sex toy that provides you clitoral stimulation is a good choice. If you feel a craving for something inside you when you masturbate, you may want a vibrator or dildo to insert while you play.
If you want a sex toy to use with a partner, you need to consider what both you and your partner will enjoy during sex. Some men are intimidated by the presence of a dildo, while others like the idea of having sex with their partner after she has used a dildo to achieve orgasm. Vibrating bullets are very nice to use for clitoral stimulation during intercourse, while a remote vibrator will give your partner new ways to tease and please you during foreplay. Discuss with your partner your desire to include a toy in your bedroom activities so that the two of you can choose something you both enjoy.
Where Do You Want to Use Your Toy?
Will you be using the vibrator just in the bedroom, or do you plan to use it other places as well? Some women enjoy masturbating in the shower or tub. If you want a sex toy that you can use in the water, you want to be sure that it is waterproof and can be submerged. If you want to take your sex toy with you while travelling, then you will want something that is easy to keep clean, easy to store, and very discreet. Low noise vibrators, ones that come in discreet carrying cases, and designs that clean and dry quickly, like bullets, are ideal if you travel.
What Can You Handle?
Looking at an 8 inch vibrating rabbit can be intimidating if you have never used a sex toy before. We each have limits, things that we are not comfortable doing or that we want to approach very slowly. As you consider buying a sex toy, think about your own limits. Before you buy that rabbit vibrator, will you be comfortable inserting it? While it can be good to push our comfort limits, our sexual activity should never be something we feel uncomfortable doing. Do not think that you have to jump right in with the biggest dildo in the store. Feel free to explore simple toys that offer simple pleasures. You may feel that you will outgrow the finger vibrator over time. In truth, you will find, even when you are enjoying the 8 or 10-inch dildo that sometimes the finger vibrator is just a nice, relaxing change of pace.
While you have a lot to consider in choosing a sex toy, owning one can help broaden your sexual horizons. As we become more comfortable with our bodies and our sexuality, it becomes easier to open up and express our sexuality with our partners. That leads to deeper intimacy and ultimately and more fulfilling relationship.