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Bondage in Shades

By now, you have seen Fifty Shades of Grey  Even if you have not seen it or read the books, you know what it is about, love, lust, obsession, and a little bit of kink thrown in. Between the movie and the talk that has surrounded it, people are curious. Something drew your attention to BDSM and fetish, and you have decided you want to know a little more.
Here we are, standing together, ready to discuss something a little taboo. We are going to talk about ways you and your partner can play with bondage and restraints. I am going to explore with you a few ways you can play with a little bondage together and experience the wonder that comes with power exchange.
Why Do We Like Bondage?
It is hard to pinpoint a single reason that we are drawn to bondage. When it comes to sex and sensuality, humans are very complex and diverse creatures. We have our evolutionary, biological drives to sex, but even those only barely scratch the surface of what sexuality is about. Why do you like red hair? Why does she like brown eyes? Why does he prefer men to women?
Why do I like watching you squirm while I have you tied down?
It is complicated. There are, though, certain sensations that we feel on both sides of the bondage equation – Top and bottom. While you may not be seeking these sensations on the outset, feeling them can be empowering. They will certainly draw you back to bondage once you have experienced them.
For the Top, or the one in charge of doing the tying and binding, the feeling is that of power. Once you have someone bound, he or she is under your sway. Whether you are tying your partner down to the bed for sex, bending him over and binding his hands for anal explorations, or restraining your partner to enjoy soft touches or the sharp sensations of a flogger, you have control. Underneath this control is another feeling, a softer and warmer sensation that helps to reinforce that sense of power. Your partner trusts you. Your partner trusts you to tie him or her up safely, to do only the things that you have discussed, and to release you when needed or when play is over. That sense of trust that your partner places in you is just as potent and powerful as the power handed over to you.
For the bottom, the one being tied up, the feeling is of a loss of control and a release. No matter our societal role, from businessperson to homemaker, we all, men and women, have to exert control in our lives. In the office, at the store, in the classroom, or dealing with the parent-teacher conferences, we all have to take the led at some point. These times of exerting power can be uplifting. They can also be challenging and stressful. The idea of giving up power seems antithetical to our way of life, but doing it in a controlled situation, with someone we trust, is a release. Our act of allowing ourselves to be bound reinforces the trust we place in our partners. We feel safe and relaxed.
Tools of the Trade
Having good bondage tools and knowing how to use them is important. If you know what you are doing, you will ensure those euphoric feelings for both you and your partner. While you have many choices of bondage items to explore, I have a few I recommend for both beginners and experienced alike. These are my must-haves if you want to enjoy bondage.
Under the Bed Restraints
While pulling out camping rope and fixing it to your bedpost shows spontaneity and ingenuity, bondage is best when you plan. Your bed may or may not be suited to tying your partner to the bedpost due to the design of the bed or its age. You are also limited to having your partner in a spread-eagle position with little room for variation. An under the bed restraint system, on the other hand, gives you versatility to enjoy different bondage positions without worrying about the integrity of your headboard.
Sport-sheets Under the Bed Restraint System is one of my favorite tools for turning the bed into a bondage table. It has a simple utilitarian design that will fit any type of bondage play you have in mind. The straps are fully adjustable so that it will fit under any sized bed and will travel anywhere. They adjust at the clips, so no bending, and reaching to adjust tension. The cuffs release from the straps so that you can use them with or without the restraints. They are Velcro, so they are strong enough that your partner cannot wiggle out, but quick to release just in case. You can bind your partner spread eagle, with hands over head, at the side, or anything else that the two of you can imagine.
Rope
Rope is a classic mainstay of BDSM and kink. I recommend a rope that is lightweight, soft, smooth to the touch, and not to thick or thin. Doc Johnson has a line of Japanese Style Bondage Rope that meets all of my specifications. It is soft, long enough for almost any activity, and durable. You can tie your partner to the headboard, a chair, or enjoy other styles of bondage. This rope is also very good for practicing Shibari – a Japanese form of bondage that involves intricate knots and rope harnesses.
Handcuffs and Tape
Handcuffs are a wonderful play tool. Something about handcuffs always makes us feel naughty. Perhaps it is the connection to law enforcement. Whatever the cause, we like them and they are an essential part of any kinky toy box. Handcuffs are best when enjoyed free form, without restraining your partner to a bedpost or other structure. The thin design of the cuffs can cut circulation or create discomfort easily if used to restrain to a structure. Instead, use them to limit hand motions by cuffing above the head or behind the back. If you and your partner enjoy some from-behind fun, bind arms in front of the body and enjoy.
If you have enjoyed BDSM videos, you have probably seen duct tape used as a bondage tool. While a lot of fun, tape can be problematic. Skin allergies, irritation when the tape is removed, and risk to clothing are a few of the complications tape use can present. Bondage Tape gets around those complications by offering you a non-stick alternative. This non-stick PVC tape adheres to itself, but not to clothing or skin. The hold is strong, so wiggling out is not an option. You can bind the length of arms and legs with it or use it to explore mummification – a form of full body bondage.
Safety First
When it comes to Bondage or any BDSM activity, Safe, Sane, and Consensual should always be the rule. Bondage always comes with risk, so be aware of them and play safely with your partner. Never play with a partner who is hesitant or unwilling. Trust is important, so discuss what you want to try with bondage and take time to learn how to do it safely from instructional videos (Not porn. As fun as they are, they leave important steps out), books, or even classes from your local bondage groups.
Remember when you are binding a partner to pay attention to a few important things:
• Never bind too tight. Any bond you fasten on your partner should have enough room for you to slip a finger under easily.
• Watch for signs of circulation loss, such as discolored fingers or toes. Have your partner alert you to any numbness, cooling, or tingling sensations and release your partner immediately if any such signs occur.
• Remember that restraining can affect circulation. While a cuff may not be too tight, once connected to a restraint system, additional pressure will be placed on wrists and ankles that can still affect blood flow.
• Use a safe word. If you decide to use a gag as part of your play, have another signal your partner can use in place of the safe word. Examples are keys that can be dropped or a noisemaker that can be squeezed. The signal has to be able to get your attention quickly. All play pauses when the safe word is used, and only resumes if the situation is resolved. In some situations, it may stop play altogether.
Whatever way you decide to explore bondage, enjoy. It can be a wonderful experience for you and your partner. It does more than add spice to your bedroom. If you open yourself to the emotional releases and communicate with each other, it can also deepen your intimate bond.

Holle Dolce

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